childcare anxiety

I’m having baby next week and have a few months (unpaid) leave to stay home. I’m thrilled!

The thing that’s eating away at me is my childcare situation once I go back to work. My mom and MIL are both on board to pick up 2 days each, and I have plenty of friends and family who are willing to do Fridays, it will just be a matter of scheduling every month. Sounds good right?

Too good to be true. MIL has already made snide comments when we talk about choices. She’s super condescending and nasty when her son isn’t around of course so I have to kind of wait it out until we are all together. She and FIL have straight up said it’s their job as grandparents to do whatever they want with their grand babies. Their other grandchildren are inherently sweet kids but they are unhealthy (poor nutrition, screen addiction, low social skills, do not practice self care) and spent most of their early childhood with her as their mom worked full time. She has also made comments that show that caring for our baby is not a priority, like it will be just another thing to add to her day. She refuses to walk two doors down to our house insisting that we bring baby to her- and I’ve noticed it’s because she is physically not capable of much physical effort. I do not like being at her house, it’s loud and smelly and she doesn’t have all the infant care things we have at our home- I mean we literally rebuilt from the studs up an entire room and went through our home to prepare for baby. We are in our 40s and this is our first and only- it’s our miracle! We’ve also had so many things gifted and passed down to us, I’ve offered to share the wealth but she always says no that they have it covered. The last time they cared for an infant was over 6 years ago and she’s had her home remodeled since then with no signs of nursery gear.

The vibe I get from MIL is that she doesn’t respect me and so I dont trust her.

I’m sad that I have this mistrust, so I think it’s worth my peace of mind to spend almost my entire paycheck on child care for the first year (I know the people who run the centers I’m looking into because this has been my field for 20+years).

I want to add that I’m normally a super easy gong person. I’m in my 40s and I have done (spiritual, psychological, academic, physical) work to consciously be the best version of myself. I want to be a good person in the world

And it’s important that this positive mindset be part of our family values. I’ve always been accepting and calm and flexible. Now I’m doubting myself and wondering if I’ll just relax and go with the flow once again when baby is here.