Heyyy, so I was really in two minds about posting this but because it’s anonymous I really have nothing to lose.

So when I was around 5 ( I can’t remember the exact age ), one of my brothers friends that lived near us ( he was 3years older than me ) took me into the woods one day, this was normal because we were friends and would always play out together so I thought nothing of it. Me, my brother and his friend were gathering leaves off of the floor and they told me to put it on this stack of twigs they made, in the end we made a rectangle shape, it was baiscally meant to be a bed but I didn’t realise that. My memory is really blurry from this day ( I think because I was so young and I think I’ve repressed some of the memories ) but I just remember lying on the leaf bed in the woods with my brother standing next to me and my his friend was on top of me.

I think he might have pulled down his trousers or kissed me but that’s what bugs me, I can’t remember, but one thing I remember him saying was “ it’s your turn “ and I don’t remember why.

The next thing I remember is running home with my teddy in my hands and my trousers round my ankles ( which confuses me because I don’t remember how they got there ) and I was crying to my mum at the front door, my mum had a massive go at my brother but that’s all I remember.

I honestly hadn’t really thought about it much over the years until recently ( I’m almost 18 ) when I’ve been thinking sexually about this boy that I really like and it’s just brought it all up like I’m subconsciously worried about being touched for some reason. Is what happened/ did not happen to me sexual assault or am I overreacting because it’s constantly on my mind and I just need some answers :( thank you xoxo