A difficult toddler

I’ve tried asking this question before, but I have an incredibly hard time putting everything into words so I usually get answered like ‘oh my toddler did that too’ or ‘terrible 2s, it’s fine’ answers. I’m at the end of my rope here and have been in tears all morning so here goes...

My son is 2 years 8 months old. He has always been difficult. He will not listen, and refuses to communicate most of the time (even though he can). He throws an absolute fit anytime he does not get his way (at least 4-5 times a day). Cry, scream, fall on the floor, rip shoes/socks off and throw them, hit, kick, shoves his hands in his mouth...

For months now he’s done this thing in the evenings when we try to get him changed and ready for bed where he will laugh hysterically and fall on the ground. Won’t stand up, won’t listen, won’t cooperate. We’ve tried talking to him calmly asking him what’s wrong, what he needs, etc. We’ve yelled, ohhhhh we’ve yelled and cried because we get angry and feel horrible afterwards. He will not listen or communicate with us. He just laughs like a madman, kicks us, bites us, hits us. Sometimes it takes two of us to change his diaper and put clothes on him, one to hold him down and one to change him. Two months ago we started potty training but this didn’t get any better. The past two weeks it’s been even worse, every time we go to the potty or change him he does this. Every time. He will act this way during his bath every night. We cannot take it anymore. Nobody believes me when I try and open up to others (friends, family, daycare, our doctor) because he can be well behaved when he wants to.

I wish someone could come observe us for a day (the whole coronavirus thing aside). Maybe we’re doing something wrong? Maybe there’s something wrong with him! This is clearly not normal. We have friends and coworkers with similarity aged children, and he’s in daycare with many other kids his age. His attitude just doesn’t compare. I can’t even look at social media anymore because seeing and hearing about other kids doing fun things and trying new things... it just makes me cry.

Ugh. Maybe this is just a rant/vent. I don’t know. If anyone has advice I would appreciate it.