Two years ago, almost three, on my birthday, I slept over at a friends house. We stayed up really late and I don’t remember falling asleep. I woke up to someone moving the blanket off of me and I froze. I was so scared because I thought it was 3am and no one else in the house was awake. I opened my eyes a little and saw my friends younger brother. He thought I was sleeping. It’s my fault because I was awake and I could’ve stopped him but I didn’t. I didn’t know what to do so I just didn’t move. Then when my friend woke up, she “woke” me up but I had been awake since it happened. He came into her room and kept asking me questions if I felt like someone had been touching me in the middle of the night. I walked home. I only told three people. My closest friends. They didn’t believe me and I don’t blame them. They all knew him and didn’t think he could do something like that. I’m only friends with one of them now and she believes me. Well the first time me and one of the ex friends (i’ll call her M for confidentiality) stopped talking she told the guys sister (i’ll call her N) about it. M told N that i was making it up. N never spoke to me about. M told a lot of people about it. We became friends again a few months later and I told her mom about it. Then she told my mom (which she had to since i’m a minor). I didn’t want to go to the police for a lot of reasons. 1. I had no proof. 2. it had happened over a year and half ago at that point. 3. N’s family was going through a lot and I didn’t want to add to their troubles. 4. It was my fault anyway. 5. I love N. She’s one of best friends ss and I didnt want her to hate me. Now I’m in therapy and such but I don’t think i’m ever going to be able to intimate with someone like that. I still see him at school and I can’t do anything about it. Now me and M aren’t friends anymore, which is probably for the best considering she told our whole grade that I slept with my brother but that’s another story. I don’t know how to get past all of these mental blocks. My best friend from above who believes me now has been telling me how she and her boyfriend have started getting intimate. I don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to do that with someone. I want to, but the second I think about I want to throw up. So yea, that’s my story.