Confused

It’s been almost 6 months that my babydaddy left us. I’ve posted about him before and how he now has another woman with kids. It still hurts me how he moved on after a month... I thought he loved me... i still have some feelings for him.. I know I shouldn’t and I know he’s trash but Idk something is just keeping me there with him. Idk how to explain it but I still think about him and sometimes I wish he were still here.. sometimes I wish I would’ve never talked to him in the first place. I wish I would’ve left him sooner. I wish I would’ve left him the first time he put his hands on me.. but i didn’t... I wish I could just forget about him and move on.. I have so many other good guys trying to talk to me that accept me with my baby, but I can’t do that to them... I can’t start something with one of them when I know deep down I still have feelings for someone else.. the best way I can explain it is it’s like he still has control over me, every time I think of him I feel like I got punched in the stomach.. I just wish I could forget about him.. but for now i can’t, even though he has...