Me and my boyfriend (J) have been on and off for 3 almost 4 years. I used to love him but now I feel like I don't. My sister doesn't like him. It's taken me a while but I don't really like him either. He's very egotistical and up himself. He yells and screams at me for spending money even though I'm not good at saving.

We recently got back together again around Feb. I moved in with him for 2 weeks and then moved in with my mum. During this time, I was talking to (A) my first boyfriend. Sometimes we would talk sexually. (A) started talking to me again which I wasn't expecting so I told (J). (J) was really nonchalant about it. But I never told him some of the things that happened.

A couple days of moving in with my mum, the sexual tension with (A) was very high. We met up and I made him cum. We didn't kiss or have sex just foreplay.

I still haven't told (J). I also really want a baby and I don't mind doing it singularly as a single parent. I've downloaded just a baby because my baby fever is really bad. The problem is corona virus has made things virtually impossible in my country. I had a share house and a job but now I have neither so I couldn't support a child right now. I've got implanon by the way.

I've also spent two days at (J). It was really good but I can't find it in myself to break up with him. I also can't tell him what I've done.