Today has been a tough day.

Today, March 27th, I should have been bringing my beautiful baby into this world.

I remember the day I found out you were there, a faint line on a test but I knew. Days went by, the test got darker and my morning sickness got worse.

I was so happy, a little baby and I couldn't contain my excitement, not just that but I couldn't hide it, I looked huge, everyone knew, everything was great

I go for my ultrasound and your Dad and I see that beautiful heartbeat, your strong, your growing, your there.

I was only about 7 weeks along at this point, but everything was planned in my head, I was picking names, I was beyond happy

Time goes on, I keep getting more and more excited until August 29th, that day tore me apart and still does. I was supposed to be blissfully happy but instead at 10 weeks pregnant I was panicking, in pain, and on my way to the ER

Pain and tears and those unforgettable words that my baby is gone.

I found a poem online and it is exactly what I want to say.

Don't let them say, I wasn't born

That something stopped my heart

I felt each tender squeeze you gave

I've loved you from the start.

Although my body you can't hold,

It doesn't mean I'm gone.

This world was worthy, not, of me

God chose that I move on.

I know the pain that drowns your soul,

What you are forced to face.

You have my word, I'll fill your arms

Someday we will embrace.

You'll hear that it was "meant to be,

God doesn't make mistakes"

But that won't soften your worst blow...

Or make your heart not ache.

I'm watching over all you do,

another child you'll bear.

Believe me when I say to you,

That I am always there.

There will come a time, I promise you

When you will hold my hand,

Stroke my face and kiss my lips

And then you'll understand.

Although, I've never breathed your air,

Or gazed into your eyes...

That doesn't mean I never "was"

An angel never dies.

Ksenia Grace Ford, my beautiful, loved, and missed Angel baby 8.29.19 Mama loves you always