These happened a few years ago while I was in the military.

1)The first time was when I was talking to a guy and one night after a date, he parked his car before dropping me off. We started kissing and he started to become more aggressive. He tried to have sex with me and I told him no but he wouldnt stop. I kept fighting him but he was stronger. He grabbed my arm and put it behind my back...it felt like it would break. He pulled down my pants and I told him I was a virgin ( which I was). He then said that i had to choose whether he was going to have sex with me vaginally or anally. I said anally and he did it. I didnt want to do it but I felt like if I didnt choose he would have done it vaginally and I was just scared of that. Was that even rape since I chose anally?

2) This happened with the same guy and this all was my first sexual experience. I knew the first situation was wrong but I thought that it was just how sex was and that something was wrong with me because I didnt like it. So I kept going out with him and he kept forcing himself on me and doing anal. I had to learn to stop fighting him and just let it happen. I told myself I liked it so that I wouldn't be sad afterwards. I know now that I should have stopped going out with him but at that time I liked the attention he gave me and I was tired of always being alone. We went to his brothers house for dinner one night and he decided that he didnt want to drive home so we ended up staying the night. After his brother went to bed, we were in the loft watching tv and we started kissing. I liked kissing him, I liked that he wanted me. He said that it was late and we decided to go to bed. We got to his brothers guest room and he told me I would have to take off my jeans so that I wouldn't ruin the sheets (if my jeans snagged on them). I bent over to take off my jeans and he came up behind me and quickly pulled my underwear to the side and stuck his penis in me...it hurt and was unexpected so I screamed. He stopped and apologized to me and told me he wouldn't do anything like that again. My feelings were hurt, for some reason, even with what he had done in the past, I didnt think he would do that especially at his brothers house. I got in bed but scooted all the way to the edge. I told him I wanted to go home but he said that It was too late to drive back and I couldn't/ didnt know how to drive. So I just laid there trying to go to sleep. About 15-20 mins later he scooted over towards me, pulled me towards him and tried to kiss me...he turned me on to my back and got on top of me.When he started pulling in my underwear, I told him no but it was like he couldn't hear me, he didnt say anything the whole time. All I could hear was his breathing. He pulled my underwear to the side and started having sex with me, vaginally...it was my first time. I kept trying to push him away but he held my arm. I remember it hurt and he just kept going. So I stop fighting and laid there. I remember it felt like rubber. Like rubbing rubber. Whenever I think back I get a picture of a car tire in my mind. When he was done he laid down and went to sleep. I went to the bathroom and I was bleeding, so I put toilet paper in my underwear and went back and laid down until the next morning. It's like my mind couldnt process what happened. I thought this is what sex was and something was wrong with me because it made me feel bad. From then forward ( a few weeks) I would make my self have sex with him whenever he wanted and I told myself I liked it until I actually did like it. I dont know if this is rape because I kept going back after each incident an I had sex with him afterwards. I feel like I know it was but what if I'm wrong? What if I've been making myself a "victim" even after all these years. I remember these instances so clearly. I felt like I know it was rape but theres still a question in the back of my mind. I need some input. I have more stories...with more men but he was the first.