I did it guys...

LONG WARNING BUT SO WORTH IT...

After long thinking I broke up with my boyfriend today. We had been together for almost 4 years living together for less than a year. We had so many ups and downs but refused to give up.. until now. I gave up. We argued so much and to make up we had sex. This isn’t healthy, it wad extremely toxic. I’m not being dramatic ... i cried every single day. Him? Not one single tear. I was blamed for everything in our relationship while he remained “perfect”. I tried sooo hard to make this work. I lost friendships, relationships, jobs. I lost myself. I became his puppet. Butterflies turned into heartache. I spent restless nights wondering what I could do better and how I could be better for this man that I didn’t want to let go of. I was desperate. He was my high school sweet heart and fresh out of school we moved in together. He’s in the military but still I dedicated all my time and work for him. I got us our first apartment, when he got back from training he spent 3 months without a job while I worked everyday. Fast forward - he recently wrecked my car and went to jail. I mean completely smashed njo way of repairing it. I lost my car, my job, my parents trust. But still, I was desperate and quickly forgave him so I wouldn’t lose him. I got so many interviews because I refused to stay home I hated being home and not working but he didn’t allow me to use his car. Arguments became worse, he threw it in my face that I was jobless and didn’t pay for anything and wasn’t doing anything wjth my life. It hurt me because he didn’t see how much I was trying. Every day I’d wake up and make sure the house was spotless and supper was always ready when he got home. Clothes washed and folded for him to just leave it there and not put it away. I got tired.. I am tired. I’m drained but I’m numb now. No more tears. I spoke up and told him I’m tired of being ran over and always put last place because he smoked with his friends every day and left me at home waiting and wondering. As we’re speaking, he left to go smoke. I’m packing mu stuff up. He was here and said what are you doing and I said I’m leaving... I can’t do this anymore. He said are you sure are you serious just like that? This entire time he didn’t see what he was doing now it’s all coming to him at once but it’s too late.., I’m ready to leave... I’m only 19 and have dealt with so much. I wanna be surrounded by my families love, my caring friends and start school. This isn’t a safe environment for me. I’ve only told you half of my story. He’s put his hands all over me. His innocent touch now makes me flinch anytime he yells or comes near me. If your my age and need a way out please do it. It yook me forever but now I am. Imready to be free. I wanna breathe again and feel alive. So many times I wanted to end it because I was so drained. It’s time to find myself again. Thank you God for letting me let go already.