I need a woman's non biased opinion ?

Question

Two and a half years ago my boyfriend passed away and life was hard for me for a while i was very clingy and very concerned for all the people in my life and my best friend of 11 years found out she was pregnant 6 months later so naturally  my reaction initially is not one of proud of she voiced upon finding out she was pregnant that there was no way she would have the baby and I encouraged her to think about it more and talk with her boyfriend they decided a few weeks later to keep the baby . She asked my opinion and I was honest . I wanted her to think of everything before really deciding . She was a nanny at the time so no medical coverage and she was renting a room from my sister she had just purchased a car that I cosigner for and her payment was 500 a month and she had only been dating her boyfriend for 3 months at the time . I just wanted to be a good friend and voice my concerns from the outside but I also voices that I was very happy for her and just want her to be happy and fully support any choice she makes . Unfortunately I also had to voice my opinion on her boyfriend and if she's sure this is the right person because from my point if view in being her friend and hearing all about the relationship I had concerns which caused a huge fight with us and she banned me from her baby shower and stopped taking to me which was very hurtful because I had gone above and beyond to help her as well as my family throughout our entire friendship and she turned her back on all of us . Finally the last few months of her pregnancy she started talking to me again and it seemed to only be because she was having issues with her boyfriend . When the baby was born I was the first and only person she let come to the hospital to see him then after that I barely talk to her or see her and have tried to reach out many times . I apologized profusely for the things I said that hurt her early on in her pregnancy and she said that she has forgiven me but things are still really weird and I'm turning 25 in a month and have been really emotional over the fact that I don't even feel Comfortable asking her to come to birthday because I feel like she just doesn't want to be my friend should I try talking to her again or should I just give up ?

Answer

If I was in your situation with my best friend, I would call her and invite her. It's her choice to come or not, but it would be very nice from you to invite her. If she comes-- she wants to be friends. If she doesn't-- you can decide what to do after it.

Answer

First off, im sorry for your loss😕 I'm also sorry to hear that you and your best friend are going through this.  But in my opinion I feel like she doesn't value your friendship as much as you value hers because if you voicing your opinion caused such a big problem between you guys how strong was the friendship to start with. Even if she didn't like what you said there's ways you guys could've worked through it besides not talking anymore.  It just seems pretty harsh for a 11 year friendship especially with you apologizing and being there when she needed you after the fact. You seem to be doing your part as a friend but she's definitely not giving the love back. Maybe you should try talking to her about everything. I hope you guys work it out. Best of luck.

Answer

There is no harm in trying again. Perhaps if you tried to be civil or include her boyfriend more aswell? If she speaks bad of him its probably best to be a listener and advise in a way that is neutral as when they are on good terms with their partners they may remember what you have said and feel as though they can't say happier things so will only go to you to bitch about the partner only. I understand all your concerns and you were being a good friend by asking her if she'd thought about everything before making a huge life changing decision. If it doesn't work out perhaps keep in contact even if its a text once a month so she knows your still there. After having a baby you sometimes lose a lot of friends if your circle doesn't have children. Good luck and I hope it gets better 😊

Answer

I have several friends who have had babies, so i can talk from experience. I am sure she is just super distracted right now. A new born baby take a lot of the mother's attention, and many friends get side tracked. All her attention will be on her little pride and joy. And,  you must also think of it this way, when she met her little baby, when all mothers do, it is natural instinct to immediately fall in love with it. Imagine the guilt she must feel for evem considering aborting the little thing?  She must be trying to be fully devoted to it. My mother almost aborted me, she confessed it to me a few years ago. She decided to keep me, but almost lost me a few months in.  She thought it was God punishing her. She then devoted her life to me. I don't think that your friend is neglectinf you out of choice,  she is just choosing her baby right now. It gets easier after a few months. My friends that have babies have told me its difficult to be around people who don't have kids, its a completely different time in ones life. I really hope she comes around!

Answer

You care about her thats why you want whats best for her and to be able to talk like you had in the past and hope you get back to it. Perhaps as one last act as a friend invite her to your birthday and if she doesn't respond then you've done enough 😕 she may not want to leave her baby though but at least you have offered. Have you spoke to your parents, may be they could help as they know her personally and what she is like

Answer

I would invite her to your birthday, but not force any kind of discussion about the past. Never give up on a friend.

When I was 25 I got into a huge fight with one of my best friends, Kennia. We had known each other since 7th grade, but we were both a little stubborn. We stopped talking and even though we both forgave eachother and missed our friendship, neither wanted to make the first move.

A year later I got a call from a mutual friend that Kennia had been killed in a carjacking. Losing her was hard enough, but the pain that we never reconciled made things even harder.

It's been 4 years since Kennia passed, and not a day foes by that I regret giving up on my friend. Please don't make that mistake.

Answer

you have tried enough, she only causes you stress. she needs to make an effort now

I need a woman's non biased opinion ?

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