I’m a first time mom and I had my sweet boy a week ago today (39 weeks 2 days). My whole pregnancy (even though I had a terrible pregnancy) I was so excited about having him and meeting him.

When I first layed eyes on him I was in love, but I got a feeling that I never thought I’d have, and that was, this doesnt seem real/I don’t feel like a mom/ that doesn’t feel like my child.

I only stayed in the hospital for 2 nights after having an emergency c-section. That has taken a toll on me too. I want to help so much more but it’s hard to keep getting on and off the couch to help do things. My husband has been amazing through all of this though.

But every night that we’ve been home, I have cried. It’s like as soon as the sun goes down my emotions go off the wall and I cant control my tears. During the day I am ok. I don’t work so it’s almost like this has given me something to do during the day. Nighttime was always my husband and my time. He’d come home from work, we’d watch our shows on Netflix and then go to bed. It was my favorite time of day. Now I don’t know when I can even go to bed and I have been sleeping in the living room because our bed is too high for me to sleep in. It’s tough. I know PPD usually isn’t diagnosed until later because baby blues is so common, but I’m just praying it doesn’t get to that point. My mom suffered from PPD with both my sister and me so I have spoken to her about it because she understands. My husband has been amazing through it too. He knows once the sun goes down I’m going to start crying. Sometimes for a reason and other times I don’t have one.

I love my boy so much and I’m so excited to watch him grow up, I’m just trusting that this will pass sooner than later.