PPD? Just quarantine blues? 😣😫

I just had my baby at the beginning of this year (she’s about 3months), so I know that I’ve not had a long time to recover but I’m struggling so hard with body image issues. Everyone tells me that I look great for just having a baby, but I just hate looking at myself naked. I weigh 10 more pounds than I my pre-pregnancy weight, while that doesn’t seem like much but it’s really bringing my confidence down. I love to work out and always have and I think maybe that’s why it’s upsetting me so much that I weigh a little more. I never thought that having an active lifestyle would actually make me dislike my body this much. I just obsess over how I could look better, and I’ve always had things I didn’t like (who doesn’t?) but it’s almost every moment that I’m thinking about how I hate my hair, wish my eyelashes were longer, my thighs were smaller, my boobs were perkier, my hips were slimmer, my waist tighter, my stomach flatter, my skin less translucent. I have spider veins on my thighs and calves and I’ve been bruising so easily that I don’t want to wear anything but high waisted leggings to hide my legs and love handles. There’s honestly more that’s bothering me but it’s more embarrassing things. I’ve only started feeling this way in the last couple of weeks and nothing else is wrong, so I don’t think it’s PPD but idk. I just wish I accepted and loved my body now.

I’m stuck in this vicious cycle where I want so bad to weigh 140 (size 6 for me, I’m tall) so I work out, but then I get sad or overwhelmed (just life stuff, people blowing me off, mom said something mean to me, my baby cried a lot and I couldn’t fix it immediately, someone was rude to my husband, etc...) and I’ll eat some Oreos and a piece of cheesecake and have pizza for dinner and then feel even worse. I tried keto for a couple of weeks and actually loved it BUT I lost weight so fast that my boobs started to have access skin and so I stopped because that was worse than being my goal weight 😅😓

I’m starting to wonder if I have an actual problem, but I don’t want to talk to my husband because I know he’ll be so worried about me and I don’t want to freak him out if I’m just having a bad couple of weeks because of the quarantine or something. I just need to get this off my chest and see if other new moms are struggling with this. Idk if I should just try to get more sleep or tell my husband or idk move to Hawaii (only joking a little 😅😂).