I haven't had a normal period in YEARS. I believe the last time I had a natural one was July 2018, but even then I'm not sure. As an adolescent and young-adult (which I still am at 32, but I mean lower 20s), my flow used to be pretty heavy, but it was so irregular I would never get it every single month. Sometimes it would be 30 days, sometimes it would take 9 months... And then around five years ago I stopped getting them as "often", even every 9 months, and they became more and more scarce... I'm talking like once or twice a year.

So yes, I believe July 2018 was my last natural period, and even then it was pretty light. After that, I had tried taking Progesterone in January and February of 2019, which did induce a period for me, but it was more painful than my regular cycles and way too intensely heavy. I kind of gave up on the whole thing, but then this year I started taking prenatal vitamins and calcium vitamins that I got from a wellness company in February. I got my period 3 weeks later at the end of February. It was just as strong as the cycles that I used to get when I was in high school and college, cramps and all.

I was excited because my husband and I have been wanting to get pregnant and I wanted to make sure I still had a period. This app, unfortunately, doesn't account for people with super irregular periods so it was telling me about my ovulation times and all kinds of stuff like that (like when I logged my 1st period in 5 years after not using the app since then and now that it's "late" ot says my cycles don't "usually" take this long...smh 🤦🏽‍♀️).

Anyway, my husband and I tried a new thing of having sex during my supposed fertile window. I kind of figured that maybe my period would not come back right away and all of a sudden be normal after all these years, but we had to try and have hope and do our part. We would really love to have children.

I got excited when I started to feel symptoms of pregnancy the past week. My test yesterday came out negative. I'm disappointed, but not sad. I have always had this idea that if I get pregnant in the springtime, that for a Father's Day surprise I would make an announcement at our church celebrating all the dads and then ask my husband to come up and "help me with something" so I can then surprise and tell him in front of our church family. Our close friends and family would be invited and everything.

I think my concern is that with my cycle dwindling away at my age, that I could possibly never have children of my own, and I don't know how to wrap my head around that.. like I have no solid emotions towards the thought. I definitely have always wanted to adopt as well, but in my mind I had always thought I would still have biological children with my husband. Even just one. 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️

Anyhow, for those of you who are saved and believe in prayer, include me in those prayers! I believe God for the blessing of children in our home. My husband will be an excellent father!

All I can do is roll with the punches and keep moving forward lol I think if I sit down and make myself think about it too much that I would start finding reasons to be sad, which personally I don't see as a necessary step in this process right now. But that's just me. I'm enjoying these times with my husband and thankful we have been able to pour into our marriage so much in these 2.5 years. When it happens, it happens. An even bigger part of me believes it will. And that's the invisible thread I'm holding tight to! 😊

#HeresToKeepingAGoodGrip

#PrayerStillWorksAnyhow

#WaitingWithExpectation