i already know some middle aged lady is gonna give me shit for this so if that’s you just don’t read this.

i’m 15, and i’ve been diagnosed with extreme anxiety and depression since i was around 8 years old. this makes it extremely hard for me to stay isolated bc i start to shut down when i’m alone. being around people keeps me happy and staying home with my family has brought me to a whole new level of mental. well one night on april first i was texting this guy and he had been wanting to hang out but i knew he wanted more and honestly so did i. well i snuck out and left with him around one or two am and we hung out for a bit in his car and it was great it was fun. and then we started making out and holy shit was it amazing. best kisser i swear like you don’t even know. at that point i was thinking, we’re gonna fuck holy shit what am i doing but i didn’t want it to stop. well after a while and a few other things, we finally did it. i lost my virginity to the, and not to sound stupid, but most popular guy in our school. the one everyone loves and is wrapped around his finger bc he’s so hot. and no i don’t regret it. it was amazing, it didn’t hurt i didn’t bleed he made sure i was ready and talked to me to make sure i was ok. well we did it twice, and then he dropped me back off around 4 in the morning and i got home and was just replaying everything that had happened. it’s like a movie in my head that i just want to watch again and again but i want to actually do it again but this time not in a fucking car lmao. however, when i went to log it i saw that that was the day i had started my fertile window so now i’m slightly scared but i don’t rlly need to be. we used a condom both times and he still pulled out just in case. i don’t know i just don’t even want to think about the possibility of being pregnant even thought it’s extremely low. but now he has completely cut me off. stopped texting me, stopped sending me streaks even, and is being kind of an ass. i don’t care i expected nothing less from him. i’m not attached or anything it just kinda sucks that he’s acting like such a dick. i don’t even really know why i’m posting this but i guess it doesn’t matter. also if you read that whole thing your a real one lmfao