How did you know you wanted to be a parent?

Question

My husband and I have been having this conversation since we began seeing eachother more seriously years ago: child(ren).
We both love kids, are in great careers and we’re about to close on our dream home. He is about to turn 31 and I turn 29 later this year. Of course ever since we go married 2 years ago both our families keep teasing us about when are we going to have kids. 
Here’s the thing: we don’t know if we really do want to have kids! It’s not a dealbreaker in our relationship, we married eachother knowing that we either will decide to or not to and both are committed to that. But I see other people be 100% sure since they were kids that they wanted to be a parent. How did you know? Or if not, how did you decide to become a parent. Similarly, those that are 100% sure that you DONT want kids...how did you know?
We both love our life as is. Then I see parents with kids and I just get all baby fever. The next day I can’t imagine myself taking care of another human being—I panic and tell myself that’s not the life for me.

Answer

I always knew I wanted kids. I wanted it more once I was with my husband because I wanted to make babies with him. I wanted to have tiny humans that were a mix of us both. I wanted to experience that unconditional love of a parent child relationship. I wanted to be someone’s whole world. I wanted to help shape someone into an amazing person. I wanted to watch them grow and become their own person. I wanted to see how much of me and how much of my husband they would have. And honestly being a mom is hard but worth every minute of it. Every time they hug me smile at me or laugh it makes my heart so full. There isn’t a better feeling in the world in my opinion.

Answer

This sounds EXACTLY like my husband and I. We are 31 and 32 and have been married for 8 years! We were never in a hurry and I wasn’t sure it was ever something I wanted. I know this isn’t the same as a child, but I love my dogs with all my heart. Bring my first pup home I didn’t even hold him I was sure we were making a mistake haha Now he is my whole world and I wouldn’t trade him for anything! To imagine loving something more than I love him is scary! 
My husband and I are very faithful and I prayed a LOT about making a decision to even try (really not prevent). I left it all in Gods hands and said if I’m meant to be a mom and have a baby it will happen and if I’m not, it won’t. Well we got pregnant on the first cycle! I still have the “bringing the dog home” feeling sometimes, but I also know everything works out exactly like it is supposed to. I get so excited knowing in a few months I will be able to hold something that is 1/2 me and 1/2 the love of my life! 
Your feelings are 100% valid and I totally understand where you are coming from. ❤️

Answer

We were 99% sure that we didn’t want to have kids for most of our marriage because we were super happy with our little two person and two pet family. 
Then one day we were talking about how wonderful it would be to show a child all of the things that my husband and I love and how good of a mother I would be (I’ve been working with kids for forever) and we thought about adoption because labor was out of the question for me. 
Then a few months after that I realized that the thought of labor and birth didn’t fill me with disgust and dread. I thought it was a fluke day so I let that thought rest for a week. When it still didn’t sound too bad and I found I actually wanted to give birth, I brought it up with my husband and he said he had actually been thinking the same thing too! 
Then we decided to wait a few months before we started trying to make sure we were really ready and really wanted this. Now I’m 14 weeks pregnant :)

Answer

I was adamant that I wasn’t having children when I first met my husband. I was in high school so the thought of having a child was terrifying. I ended up getting pregnant at 16 the first time we had sex. I had a miscarriage. That made me rethink things because of the way my now husband handled it. He was so caring and genuinely concerned for me. I always knew he would be a great parent. Years went by and we got engaged and talked about it more and I knew I couldn’t deprive him of being a parent. As much as I didnt want kids, I always pictured my life with them so it then became a when not an if. We got married and we said okay let’s wait at least a year to decide. Shortly after our wedding our close friends had a baby. I remembered seeing them so sleep deprived and exhausted but completely head over heels for their baby and it was the happiest I had ever seen my friend. That changed my mind even more. I got off birth control and we went to the pull out method and took the whole “if it happens it happens” approach for a while since we had only been married for a few months. I ended up missing a period and we were both pretty bummed when I ended up not being pregnant so that’s when we decided we really didn’t want to wait and this was something we wanted now. We stopped the pull out method and I got pregnant the first time. My baby was born a month ago and 100% the best decision I ever made  even if it took me almost 15 years to decide.

Answer

We never wanted kids! We were together almost 15 years childless and happy. Once I hit 31 I started thinking about it (biological clock is real). I brought it up a few times and he was really on the fence as well. After months of debating with myself I came home one day and said to him “I think I want a baby” and he said ok!
I wasn’t 100% sure but in my heart I knew I’d never regret doing it but very well may regret not. 
Now I’m 35 and just gave birth to my second baby. I absolutely love my babies with my whole heart and they truly are the best thing I ever did. 
It’s really a personal choice, neither way right or wrong but damn, there’s nothing better then snuggling your babies!

Answer

I think that marrying each other without a clear decision on children was jumping the gun. It’s easy to say whatever happens, happens when you’re in the honeymoon phase and soooo in loooove, but what if you decide you want them and he says no or vice versa? This could absolutely turn into a marriage dealbreaker. One of you will either sacrifice or deeply resent the other. 
If you’re having baby fever now, you need to have this conversation sooner than later to decide where this will stand.

Answer

I didn’t want children for a long time. It wasn’t until my late 20s that I thought, yea maybe one day... my husband always has wanted a child, but he never pressed me. About 2 months after I turned 30, it’s like a switch went off inside me and I was suddenly ready for the responsibility of bringing a baby into our lives. I had been on birth control for over 15 years and I knew it would take a long time most likely, so I wanted to start trying ASAP. I ended up having to go through IVF to get pregnant, but nonetheless I felt so Ready after that point. I never wanted to be anything but happy when I found out I was pregnant and seeing the positive test was one of the best feelings in the world.

Answer

I didn’t want kids all my life. I went through periods where I thought maybe kids weren’t for me. By the time I was 28 and engaged I knew I wanted them though. We started TTC right after our wedding (I was 29 he was 32).
Similar to how you described, my now husband said he was fine with whatever I decided. He always assumed he would have kids eventually, but he was also really happy with our life just the two of us. Now that I’m pregnant he is superrr excited, and says everyday he can’t wait to finally meet her, etc.

Answer

I used to NEVER want kids. I couldn’t even fathom the idea of being a mom and I had no desire to. I didn’t like kids, didn’t think they were cute, I wanted to just tie my tubes at 21. When I met my husband that changed really quickly lol. Within 2 months of dating I was telling him I wanted kids. He has 2 already so he wanted more. His kids were 9 and 10 when I met them but I just had the strongest baby fever being with him. I even started working at a daycare after we were together for 6 months, and we starting trying about a month later lol. With my previous husband (I was married 18-21) the thought of us being parents seemed like a disaster. And it 100% would’ve been. We were more stable financially than my current husband and I are now, but I was miserable and something was missing. Now we’re expecting our first baby together in just 9 weeks!💗 Kids aren’t for everyone though and that’s okay!

Answer

I was terrified of having a baby, and up in the air about whether I wanted kids at all. My fiancé has three kids from previous relationships, so it wouldn’t have been a dealbreaker if I decided not to ever have them. When I first got pregnant I was still in denial and terrified about what it would be like to be a parent. It wasn’t until I started to bond with him that I realized what a surreal amount of love I had for the little boy inside my belly who I’ve never even met. I never understood people who have always known they were supposed to be a parent either, but now that my son is on the way I know that it’s the most important thing that he’s safe and happy and loved. I know that all sounds like a hallmark movie, but every bit of it is true😂and if I hadn’t been put in that position I would definitely have never realized what a blessing it is to create a human life, and honestly may have never consciously decided to become a parent.

How did you know you wanted to be a parent?

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