Venting 💔

at the beginning of this yr i felt so alone and felt like i honestly couldn’t continue living and the only thing that kept my spirits up and kept me going was knowing i’d be able to hold my son one day . when that day finally came i was so enamored w my son Zaydrian i just knew all the hurt and pain was worth it . i was breastfeeding and dad was working swing shift so those first few months were utter hell but also the most amazing , getting to watch our son pass those little milestones and just watching him grow day by day was and still is a blessing . fast forward to now i’m currently 38w pregnant w our daughter Anais and my son just recently turned 10 months 🥳 it was tough in the beginning and i had so many thoughts going thru my head and i felt like i couldn’t handle having another so soon . my depression hit an all time high and i just wanted to end it all , but all i could of think was how could i ever be so selfish to let my son grow up w out a mother . i wanna be there for all the good and the bad in his life and i wanna watch him grow up into the best man i know he will be . not to mention my SO and i were having so much trouble , being pregnant so soon after my first and my emotions were alll over the place . i just felt alone and worthless all over again like what’s the point 😔 then i look over to see my son being himself all happy and so entertained by his toys or his fav show and i could never ever take away his light and have him wondering for his entire life what made me wanna take my life , a type of hurt and pain no child should ever have to endure at such a young age . i still have my bad days where i just wanna stay in bed all day and be depressed but Zaydrian and Anais are the reasons why i get out of bed everyday and make sure i look on the bright side . my SO and i are still having a lot of problems but all of that is put aside and we always make sure our son comes first no matter what we’re going thru and for that i’m grateful for him and the many other things he does and tries to do for the both of us . i’m stronger than i was before , i’m a great mother to one beautiful baby boy and i’ll continue to be a great mother to my daughter ❤️