Anxious mamas

I just need to vent and maybe some sisterhood. I had a miscarriage last October, now I'm pregnant with my rainbow(beaux as I call them). Some days I'm OK, positive ultrasound appointments when I actually get to see beaux are the best. The days between the anxiety is crippling. I'm 14+5 weeks and that does not make me feel any safer, it just makes me feel like losing them now is only going to make it so much harder. I feel so guilty because I am not enjoying this pregnancy I'm either sick or anxious. I feel like I loved the baby I lost with all my heart and now I'm so guarded. I just don't know what to do, I just feel so guilty.