I just need to vent.

I had a MC 7months ago.. after 5years of trying we finally got a BFP.. we knew from the first appt. Something was wrong.

I was supposed to be 6weeks but they couldn't find anything on the US. The doctor didn't understand but said I was 100% pregnant due to my levels being so high. So she wanted me to come back in 2 days to redo the US.

At the next app. 2days later they seen our baby but I was only measuring 5w6d.. so the Dr wanted me to come back in 2 weeks for another scan just to check on everything. So 2 weeks go by and it's time for my appt. I go in and this US is reading 6w6d so now I am a week behind. The Dr then says to come back in a week for another US and to see if we can see baby's HB. The next week came and I was only measuring 6w3d and no HB. That was the day the doctor confirmed my MC. The next day is when I passed my baby..

I'm having a hard time. I understand there are many women out there who have lost there babies farther along. But I feel so lost. I have good days where I feel my old self then I have days where all I was to do is cry.. I don't ask anyone for sympathy , I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me.. and I get that some don't even consider that early to be a baby but I did. And I do. From the very moment I seen those 2 lines I knew I had my baby inside my belly.. I knew I was finally going to be able to be a mom. I have always wanted that. But then it was ripped from me...

There are some days I feel like I need to just forget about it and move on but others I can't seem to get it out of my head.

I feel like my family is tired of seeing me post about missing my baby or how I wish things where different. I have never really come out and said I had a MC because I'm afraid someone might say it was so early it shouldn't matter and then that would just shatter me inside.

I don't want to make people feel uncomfortable about what I post or feel like they have to feel bad for me. I do it because I feel not so alone when I post or say something.

Like I said I understand it was early and I understand maybe I should just let it go.. but for some reason I just can't..

I know due dates and firsts shouldn't matter but they do.. I just want to stop the heart ache.

Thanks for letting me vent. Much love!

I feel like some think I'm over doing it..