He Broke My trust, How Do I Recover?

Hey there. I’m a 22yo F and I recently had my 3 year anniversary with my boyfriend. He’s been nothing but absolutely amazing, so attentive and loving, extremely receptive to any issues I have and an all around unicorn of a boyfriend. I have no idea how I got so lucky.

We’ve been sexually active since the beginning of our relationship but I have always been on birth control, used condoms, and still he would pull out as well. Now it’s more like I take birth control and he pulls out since I was getting horrible reactions to the condoms. So far no issues.

Well, a few nights ago it had been quite some time since getting intimate and I initiated. However, I explicitly told him I was scared and did not want him to finish without pulling out first (as usual, we have never not done that). He seemed to understand and agree.

We do our thing, it’s amazing and I feel like we’re in tune with each other and then all of a sudden he just finishes inside me without warning. I literally never would have expected him to do that. He straight up did it on purpose. I felt so defeated, so used... he completely broke my trust. Then an immediate panic rushed over me. I am in no position to get pregnant. I trust that I’ve taken BC as directed but the possibility remains. I have two unused test in my bathroom for emergencies like this but I’m so scared.

He told me “I thought you wanted me to be more dominating”... that crushed me even more. I explicitly told him what NOT to do and he did it. When we talk about it he says he feels like an absolute POS and is so sorry but I can’t forgive him. We’ll be ok and then I remember what he did to me and then start getting so angry and just taking it out on him. What do I do?