I had a relatively “boring” twin pregnancy, meaning all three of us were entirely healthy from start to finish. The only hiccup we ran into is that baby A, my stubborn girl, was butt down and decided to stay that way from about 24 weeks on. Baby B, her brother, had no choice in the matter but to follow suit so I was scheduled for a c-section at 37w5d.

Even that went off without a hitch! (You can refer to “My Twin Birth Story” posted last month)

All three of us were so healthy and doing well that the hospital released us to go home about 33 hours after they were born. I was honestly shocked and taken aback a bit as this was still a premature birth of twins, no matter what way you slice it. I felt a little leery at the prospect of going home so soon but the hospital staff was really advocating for us to leave and I assumed that they knew what was best for our family. Also, I had gotten only about an hour of sleep since they made their arrival so I was looking forward to being home.

Fast forward to day 3 of life when we had our first pediatrician appointment. Both were losing weight and jaundice levels were higher than normal. We would see the pediatrician for follow up appointments on days 3, 4, 6, and 7 of their life each seeing rising bilirubin levels and low weights. When they were one week old we were admitted to the pediatric unit of our hospital to treat them both for jaundice and address their weight.

No one told me that late pre-term babies can latch like champs and appear to be eating well but not be transferring enough milk. No one told me that late pre-term babies, let alone late pre-term twins, have to work so much harder just to keep their bodies warm and to convert their food into body fat. No one told me that these babies will appear to be doing so well yet still not gain enough weight with the breast milk my body provided for them. No. One. Told. Me.

After spending two days in the hospital alone with my twins because of the COVID protocols and seeing them poked with IV’s and NG tubes and listening to them cry and fuss under the Bili-lights, I visited with several lactation consultants that’s advocated that I start triple-feeding—something that I hadn’t even heard of until they were a week old and we were being admitted to the hospital. The consultants took the time to empathize with me and let me know that everything we were going through wasn’t my fault—that my body and soul were working overtime, just like my beautiful little babies were...

They told me that, until very recently, after a birth like ours, we would have typically spent 4-5 days in the hospital afterwards where my children’s jaundice would’ve been caught; where they could’ve spent time with us doing weighted feeds and understanding where they were lacking. We could’ve avoided all of those trips to the doctors offices during their first week of life and I could’ve avoided watching helplessly as I cared for my babies in the hospital—doing the only thing I could and nurse them, feed them, pump for them...

Looking back, I wish I would’ve listened to my instincts. I knew that we weren’t ready to go home after 33 hours of life for my twins in their new world. I knew that my twins were nursing so well but that their color was a little off... I knew that everything wasn’t OK but I let the “experts”—the individuals who are supposed to have my best interest and the health of my twins in the forefront push me into leaving the hospital too early. I let them create the situation my family endured and I regret it. I regret what my children have gone through every single day.

We are now still triple feeding, though I don’t pump after every nursing session and I don’t immediately give them the breast milk anymore—I save it for dad to give a bottle every few days. My twins are gaining weight and we are trying to find a formula my daughter will tolerate and not spit up...

Now, at 3 weeks old, we are in such a better place than we were two weeks ago...but it doesn’t take away from what I know now and what I want other moms to know—not just twin moms. Listen to your instincts. Speak up for your family. Don’t blindly trust your doctors and staff. Trust but verify. Don’t be afraid to be a mama bear for your babies!!