I may never get to be a mother

I’ve always wanted children, always thought that was what was supposed to happen. Love kids, always wanted them, love hanging out with my nieces and nephews.

Meet my ex-husband when I was 21, married at 24. But as our relationship progressed, I knew it wasn’t right. Of course people asked and wondered when we would have kids. We talked about it. But there were issues... several of them that kept me from wanting to have kids with him. I’m glad I didn’t! Because when I finally left him after 11 years of marriage, I was able to cut all ties from him and all the verbal and mental abuse I encountered.

Now I’m 38, almost 39... my boyfriend and I have talked about having kids. He’s the same age and doesn’t have any either. I’ve been off my birth control for over 1-1/2 years. We aren’t exactly trying but aren’t preventing. He wanted to give it a year. He wonders if he can even have kids, given his past. I wonder if I can have kids, I never even had a pregnancy scare, although I’ve been on the pill since I was 15.

Sometimes I’m happy about it, other times I’m sad. Always thought I would be a mom, never thought I wouldn’t.