Why am I like this ??

Basically I got out of a horrible years long relationship in the very beginning of February. He was mentally abusive, controlling, insanely insecure to the point where he had cameras watching me in our house because he was %100 convinced I was cheating on him. He’d freak out and scream at me almost everyday, in my face and everything, he’d break all the stuff in our house, even in front of our kids. And then even near the end he hit me a few times, which I honestly never thought would happen. But it did. So I finally, after all these years, left him.

And exactly a month later (early March) I started talking to someone. He’s been my friend for years, before I even met my ex, he’s always been there for me and he’s always just helped me out in every way and tbh I knew he had a crush on me way back then but I ignored it because I was always in a relationship, and then I got with my ex and had kids and everything and I kinda thought my ex was who I’d be with for the rest of my life, so I never looked at my friend like that 🤷🏼‍♀️

And since then it’s amazing, he compliments me, tells me I’m beautiful, it’s like he’s completely obsessed with me (in a good way) he even kisses me, which may sound normal but my ex never kissed me, I can’t even remember the last time I had kissed him, he never complimented me at all the whole time I was with him, it was like I was just there to produce his children and to be something for him to yell at.

And the sex is amazing, my ex didn’t care about me at all on the bedroom, he’d just stick it in and then roll over and go to bed when he was done, my friend focuses on my needs the whole time, it’s literally the best sex of my life now. And he cuddles with me too. It’s just overall sooo much better and so amazing now, I’ve never been so happy and comfortable with my body, he gives me so much confidence.

But at the same time, I miss my ex. I know it’s stupid, why would I miss someone like that. I dont even know why I miss him, he literally did nothing good for me, he was abusive. But it’s like some weird mental block and it’s honestly stopping me from continuing this new relationship with my friend. It’s honestly making me feel crazy because I want to love my friend and move on to be with him completely and I just have this big cloud in my head that’s stopping me.