Is it wrong to not come out to your partner?

Question

I've been married to my husband and for ten years. We have three children. Our sexlife has always been a struggle because he has a very high sex drive and I have none. It's always been like that. We have discussed it so many times. He says sex is important to him, I say sex isn't important for me at all, but that I'm doing my best to compromise. I told him I will not change, because I can't and asked him to consider if this is something he can live with, because I can understand it being a deal breaker not getting enough intimacy, and he's always been adamant he wants to be with me. 
I've been to doctors to make sure there's nothing wrong with me, and I've been to therapy for years to figure out what's wrong, and I'm starting to realise I'm actually asexual. I haven't fully accepted it yet, because it's hard. It's really hard. I've tried to come out to my husband, but he is super dismissive and just says that we can fix it, that I can be fixed. But I'm now sure there's nothing wrong with me, this is just who I am. I've stopped trying to come out to him (the way I've said it is :i think I'm asexual", "I'm pretty sure I'm asexual", because I haven't managed to just say that I am, because I haven't accepted it myself yet). Is it wrong for me to do that?
 It doesn't really change anything if he believes it or not. I would love to be "fixed ". To learn to feel physical sexual attraction and to want and appreciate sex and intimacy, but I just don't. I'm indifferent to it. It's just a hassle to me. I've been honest with these types of feelings and like I said, he still wants to be with me. I'm not really sure if this is right though, I don't want him to think things can change when they will not, and I think after ten years he should realise that this is how it's going to be. I'll never want sex, I'll just do it for him. I'm okay with that, but it feels like he is just refusing to understand people can be different. 
Everything else is great and I understand many people would leave, but I still love him and I want to be with him, as long as he still wants to be with me. As we have children together, we both really want to make it work as well. I've suggested counselling, but he said he thinks we should see a sex therapist. I said sure, but I really don't think that is going to help us, but who knows.

Answer

I feel like it’s important to talk to your partner about almost everything. I would discuss it with him

Answer

Communication is a major issue here. You need to see a marriage counselor. Theres nothing else to do. You need a safe place to confess without him adamantly refusing to listen.

Answer

You two are in this together so you should be open with him. You will need to work together to navigate this and he won’t be able to do that if he doesn’t have all of the key information. If you haven’t tried a sex therapist, that may not be a bad idea. I would say not so much to “fix” you, but perhaps to make a great effort to work with your husband. Perhaps that can be the forum where you tell him? It’s a neutral space and the therapist can explain it to him?

Answer

I don’t see why your husband wants to “fix” you. You still have sex when he wants. I understand that men like when they’re partner likes it too but as long as the effort is there for him I don’t see why this has to be a big issue?

Answer

Maybe I’m asexual lol never thought about it but I’m totally fine without sex. It doesn’t effect me negatively if I don’t have it weekly. After a few weeks I’d want it but it’s not a need like it is for my partner. He needs it like 4-5 days a week and would love it daily lol. We do it like 3 days a week but I’m not all hot about it until we really get going. 
His drive is like a 100 mines probably like 20 😂 We make it work and if I really don’t want to have sex I help him get off by making out while he touches himself lol. Or I’ll leave Easter eggs with notes in them saying I’ll do anything or let’s play a game together lol random stuff to spice things up. But I’m totally ok without a lot of sex too. It’s hard to be with someone whose drive is so high but I just tell him to go jerk off lol he does 😂

Answer

I think you should go to the sex therapist with your husband. 
Have you had other partners? 
How was with them?
Have you try to watch porn, touch yourself? 
I think your husband loves you very very much and he really want to work on and this is very rare you should be happy about that!

Answer

I feel like you should always be open and honest with your SO

Answer

wow, this is me. No joke.

Is it wrong to not come out to your partner?

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