I dont know what to do-therapy.

Something is wrong. I just hate myself. I try to do all techniques I've learned in therapy and it just doesnt work. My last 3 therapists basically said I'm good to go and I dont need help anymore.

My problem is with abuse jn the past and whatnot I'm a people pleaser. When I'm failing I will lie. I'll pretend I'm fine. I feel like no one wants to hear me and that I'm just pretending to be who I am all the time (at the same time I'm usually pretty straightforward with most emotion in my personal life, I just shove it down deep).

I dont know how a therapist can help me if I feel I have to lie to impress someone. I had the urge to self harm again last night (for the first time in years), which is stupid because I'm generally very happy and love my life. Only thing that stopped me was how sad it would make my husband to see new scars. Idk what to do.