Venting

So, I suppose this is kinda for venting and kinda for advice should anyone have some. It's looking more and more like my husband won't be there when I have our baby. I want to go all natural and I'm trying to keep good thoughts, but when I try thinking about preparing it just rips me apart. Like I was just watching natural birthing videos and I can't stop crying now because in a video the woman had support of her husband and while I'll have my step mom I'd give anything for my husband to be there. I can't believe our first child is going to spend it's first two months in this world without his father being here. I feel torn to pieces by this and aside from pushing through the prep and just crying a lot I don't know what to do.