I'm exhausted, stressed, depressed, just done with everything. I have been trying to confine in my husband but guess what he's part of the reason too. He's never there when I need him. When my mom was on her last months on earth I needed him to come home from the army and help me with everything including our kids and his niece we adopted but guess what he thought would help me......cheat on me with 8 different people and blame me for it saying we were arguing alot and he felt like I haven't been giving him enough sex but mind you whenever he comes down for leave in the army we have it everytime more than 3 rounds. I work two jobs cause he was complaining of always being broke after everything was paid. He wouldn't be broke if he would section out money for the bills, money for himself, money for the kids, and groceries. Don't start to think I don't help out with things as well we split everything down the middle. He wasn't even there when I had a miscarriage. I'm also enrolling back to school to gain another degree. We have a almost 3 years old, an almost 5 year and his niece who is almost 14. I do everything at home while I work both jobs. I'm not saying my husband should do everything but I do need the help. When he's off on the weekends I just ask he makes breakfast Saturday and Sunday while I cook every night. He can't even do that. I appreciate my husband for joining the army and trying to make things better for us I tell him that all the time while I tell him every other thing I appreciate him for. instead of seeing me and his wife the one he loves and cherish I feel like he sees me as a maid who does laundry,cook, take care of the kids, clean. I don't hear " I appreciate you babe", " you're beautiful", hell I only get "you know I love you" while he climbs on top of me to have sex. He's always tired but he hasn't been working like that do to coronacause they go in groups but my job didn't close. Im working on fixing things within myself like my depression which is a big factor in me. I told him he has until December for us to fix things or me and the kids are gone but he wants me to give him more time but how much more time can I give if we been together for 10 years(married for 5). We had plenty of conversation about this and he always finds a way to blame me. He says I wanted to feel comfortable before we had kids and got married. He wanted me to have an abortion with my first child cause he didn't feel like he was ready but we stopped using condoms I don't know what he thought what was going to happened when we did. Then he started to deny our first cause I was supposedly cheating. The list goes on but I stayed because I thought I was the problem and I thought I could fix things and help him. In the end I lost myself.

Sorry for the long post but I just needed to vent somewhat.