Is this depression?

What does it feel like to you?

To me it’s like I’m actually fighting it in my head. The numb feeling, the empty feeling, the not caring feeling. It’s like it slowly takes over my body. I don’t want to move my body because I just don’t care anymore. It’s like it creeps throughout my body taking over, I don’t want to clean, I don’t want to eat, I don’t want to do anything because it just doesn’t matter.

And then the part of me that hates these times. Where I beg myself not to fall into this hole. I try so hard to build myself back up. “You’ve been doing so good”, “You can’t feel like this”, “you have to be strong”. I tell myself I need to go outside, go for a drive, just to get myself up. But it doesn’t work. I try over and over again but it really feels like a battle going on in my head. Sometimes I win and whatever I feel goes away to the back of my mind. But it’s always lingering. It’s always there ready for the perfect moment to come take over, no matter how small, if I can’t handle what’s happening there it is. When it wins it will take me weeks to get of it.

A constant battle.

Is this depression or is this something else? I just want to be better.