Normal first time mom feelings or am I maybe not ok?

Maybe this is just part of being a fist time mom, but either way I just feel like I need to talk it out, even anonymously.

I don’t think I’m ok, but like I said maybe it’s just being a first time mom.

Our daughter is 5 months old. I absolutely LOVE being a mom and my husband is a very involved father. He does sleep very hard so I do have to wake him up if I need him to help, but he does get up.

Since she was born, if she cries at night I HAVE to be the one that gets her. If my husband was up and she would still cry, I’d still hover or lay there awake bc I felt anxious. It’s progressively gotten worse. Now, it makes me feel physically sick if shes crying hard and I’m not the one that has her.

She started sleeping in her crib at 6 weeks. Even if I had my husband get up, I would still hover outside the nursery until she stopped crying or again, lay awake until he came back. It just felt easier to always get up myself bc then I KNEW she was ok. My husband asks me to wake him so he can take his turn/help but I rarely do.

These last 3 weeks have been the worst for me and I don’t know why. My daughter started sleeping through the night which is amazing, but I’m sleeping even less. I wake up almost every other hour to look at the monitor or check on her, bc I’m terrified she’s not breathing. If she still had an occasional night she’s up, I go to her and don’t ask my husband too, bc I need to know she’s fine.

During the day when it’s her normal fussy “I’m hungry/tired/need changed” cry it’s not that bad for me. It’s only when she’s extremely upset that I need to have her, or at night when she’s also crying extremely hard.

This last week I have felt on the verge of bawling a lot and I am not a crier. I know it’s bc I’m exhausted but I just don’t know what to do.

Like I said maybe this is just a first time mom thing and I’ll get over it, but I just needed to talk it out.