Please help.. 😢💔

Please no judgement. I know I’m in the wrong. I know the toxic traits I’ve had since I began dating and getting way too overly obsessed with boys since 12. I was with my childs father for 2 years. We quit doing drugs together, graduated together, got our first home, job, everything together. Our first child too. Long story short we couldn’t work out.. apparently. I got a new job and a man that worked there I had a fling with years ago.. once my ex moved out I instantly started feeding off this guy. Like seriously nobody has ever been this good to me.. ever! But after a month.. I began to notice that it didn’t matter if I projected my feelings of her dad into him and tried so hard to suppress how I truly felt.. it still came back. 😭 we’ve been together two months now and itsbeen on my mind so heavy today and it just isn’t fair to him. He’s amazing and any woman would be so lucky to have to him. I just need time to cope with that loss of what I thought was my forever .. but stupid me has to hurt a perfect man and only man to ever open my eyes and show me how I deserve to be treated and who accepts me for me.. etc. I hate this. 😭 I want to be a better woman and example for my daughter it has to start somewhere just why now why are my eyes being opened now..😭😭 I need advice or words of encouragement. I just don’t feel like it’s fair to him for him to be in love with me and me have strong feelings for him but still love my childs father cause I chose to try to run from reality once again. I just can’t anymore cause I have a beautiful daughter who needs a perfect role model and I have to still see and talk to her dad. I just need time to heal from everything and truly deal with my feelings so I can be happy with a good man one day.. irate that it couldn’t be my current bf. Idonteven know how to bring this up. I feel like I will instantly just start ugly crying. I feel so bad imo toxic and I recognize this that is why I am trying to change. I’ve had enough.