Cougar ..ugh

Ok so I'm separated for awhile now . My oldest daughter is 18 pregnant and getting married her fiancee best friend just came home from Japan , was in the marines , anyways he is 21 we flirted like crazy , it was more so me at first . So him and I have hooked up numerous times, did I say it 45 lol ... what the hell right well oh June 1st I was staying the night at my daughters house , she was to take me to the train station the next morning and low and behold he is there too , that evening he calls me outside to talk and says I am.falling in live with you and pulls me close forehead kisses holding me , I freaking melt ..yes I have feelings for him, was not my intention at all , here is the messed up part I leave I am here with family for a camping trip, he kinda ghosted me, finally he says I am.stressed I don't know what to do, his plan was to move to South Carolina to be with his ex who has his kid but she is married to another man baby has her husband's name etc .. yup I am in all kinds of drama ugh anyways says he has fallen for me.loves me but also loves her , maybe at this point we should just be friends.. woah hold up how can you go from i love you i want you to let's be friends, ok i was like ok i respect that . By the time I get home supposedly he will have already be gone . The weird part he tells my daughter " I'm ok with being your step dad " I know Ithe reason I am clinging to him , my ex never gave me the attention and it felt good and still does , but apart of me Hope's he chooses me , I know that is wrong huge age difference... I know I need to let him go but how I was married a long time and dating is not my thing , hell I even asked my daughter weird I know but she told me keep being there he will either go to her or you , but I don't think my heart honestly can take it ... do I keep trying or do I just leave him be to figure out his own life .. he rarely texts me I sent him tons of messages via snap and Facebook he hasn't read them, shit I answered my own question.. ugh ... not looking for oh my god he is young enough to be your son ... age is a number .. anyways thanks for my venting