If the thought of having baby freaks you out, does that mean you're not ready?

Question

I'm 31, my plan as to start trying in a year. Not sure about my partner's exact plan, I have a feeling he might want to start trying earlier. He just talked to his friends, they all either have a baby or are pregnant. They were talking about how difficult it is to get them to sleep and how sleep deprived they are. Now I'm freaking out. I don't deal well with being sleep deprived. My upbringing was terrible, with lots of abuse, what if I will continue the cycle? I'm already struggling keeping up with technology, how would I keep them safe from negative influences? I've suffered from bulimia, I'm better now but how will I teach them a healthy relationship with food. Or healthy self-esteem when my confidence is non-existant. I just don't think I'm cut out to be a mum. 
Is that normal to have these thoughts or does it mean I'm not ready. Seeing as I'm not ready now, I probably won't be in time, but my partner really loves kids. It would be unfair for me to stay with him

Answer

I think everyone questions their ability to be a parent at one point or another. The question really is do you want to be a parent soon? If you do and you feel you can support a child then I would say you're ready. If you have reservations then definitely get to the bottom of them before having a kiddo. Lastly, yes its exhausting sometimes, but not all babies will allow you no sleep and kids do grow out of the frequent waking relatively quickly, so even if you have a poor sleeper you eventually will get rest, you just have to get through the tough stages as best you can. Honestly, before I had my first kiddo everyone kept saying "make sure you get your sleep now, just wait until baby is born and you'll be REALLY TIRED". People like to share their misery. I was way more tired being pregnant than I was with my son as a newborn and I got way more rest on maternity leave than I did during pregnancy. If you really do want it then dont let peoples negativity scare you out of it 😊

Answer

I think you’re thinking too much and worrying too much. If anything you had an unhealthy relationship with food which means that you will be a good role model for what not to do. You had an unhealthy abusive upbringing which means that you can set the standard for how children should be raised and taking care of it have a house full of love. It is completely normal to be scared when thinking about starting a family. I was scared shitless when I found out I was pregnant. 
I had nightmares that I left my baby at rest stop because I forgot I brought him in his car seat into the bathroom with me. 
Any kind of life altering change is scary. Starting a new job is scary, having children is scary, getting married is scary, growing old is scary. But we can’t let the fears of what could happen hold us back￼￼. It’s not a way to live life constantly worrying about what could happen.

Answer

If you’re having 2nd thoughts postpone. Parenthood is painted in such a rosy light, but statistically, parents of kids under the age of 2 are in their least happy years, of their lives. It’s exhausting, brutal, thankless, expensive. 
The baby cuddles are lovely, the attention that you get when you’re pregnant is great, but once the baby shower is over and people have dropped off the obligatory newborn casserole, many of your friends disappear. 
The isolation and boredom is nothing to be scoffed at. Your body changes, your relationship with your partner is tested, your patience level is close to 0, due to sleep deprivation. 
If you’re not financially ready to stay at home, the daycare costs are often a killer. You need to pump at work, leave with time to spare to get your kid from expensive daycare. 
It’s not sexy, but plan for the logistics before you conceive. Where is baby going to sleep, who will watch the baby. Do you need a new car? All of this needs to be thought out. You can’t really fly by the seat of your pants and figure it out as you go. Daycare waiting lists are often 7-10 months long. You need to get on the list as soon as you conceive. It’s insane.

Answer

I had these thoughts during the first few months of TTC. Now, 9 months in, I know I could handle anything if I could just get pregnant. I never thought I’d be saying “please let me vomit every day if I can just be pregnant” but here I am lol

If the thought of having baby freaks you out, does that mean you're not ready?

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