I am a 21 year old Afro-Latina woman, and honestly I feel..conflicted. The other day I was speaking to my best friend about the protests, along with everything else that’s been going on. She says she understands the movement, but she also believes that before we try and fight a corrupt system, we need to stop fighting each other within our own communities. She also started talking about the oppression of Latinx(she is also Hispanic- but 100%)people, along with the issues with Ice and children locked in cages, xenophobia, Islamophibia, anti-semitism, etc. A lot of what she said was pretty valid, but my gut was telling me that’s not the point of BLM(which I know it isn’t. The movement isn’t only saying black lives matter. It’s telling the world that black lives matter TOO). To get to the point- she’s a supporter of All Lives Matter. I’m not gonna lie, at one point I was too, but after educating myself I stopped supporting it. A family member of mine is in the police force, and yes I do fear for their lives because they’re police officers- but they can quit their job. At the same time though, even if they do quit, and when BLM wins the fight for equality, there could be a large chance that no one will be there to help said family member support their family, or even find another job. I’m not sure if thats what would definitely happen, but it is a fear of mine. Not to mention the fact that even if the family member is off duty, they could still be subjected to racism because they are Black/poc. I firmly believe that if this member killed someone in cold blood- especially while on duty, they need to be held accountable to the fullest extent of the law. My mother is Black, my sisters are Black. I am Black. My grandmother was in her early 30’s during the Civil Rights movement. She experienced being educated in segregated schools, drinking water from segregated water fountains, saw movies in segregated theaters, and experienced everyday life in segregation until it was abolished. And I‘m 100% sure that if she were still alive today she’d tell me every instance of racism she experienced. My great grandmother could’ve been a slave, or the daughter of one. I can’t even imagine how much oppression they must have been subjected to. For me to remain quiet- to be compliant out of fear of speaking my mind- it IS the equivalent of spitting on their grave. I can’t say I’m aware of the history of my Latinx roots, and I’m determined to learn more about this side as well. And it’s recently been brought to my attention that my mothers side might’ve had a family member who was of Native American descent(but part of me feels like this could apply to everyone due to colonizers raping Native American Women). I’m not good with talking about things like this because I get so passionate and my words jumble. I’m also pretty insecure because I feel like some things I say either don’t make any sense or aren’t sufficient enough. But I am much better at writing my thoughts and passions. Im not sure where I was going by writing this post, but part of me needed to get it off my chest. Im not sure if these conflicting feelings are valid or not, and it makes me angry. But it makes me sad too. It feels like I’m looking at a quadruple-edged sword. I could be oppressed because I’m Black. I could be oppressed because I’m Hispanic. I could be scrutinized/viewed as biased/a bootlicker because I worry about my family members who work in the police force, or even have a badge-regardless of whether or not they’re on duty, and I could be oppressed because I’m a woman. I can’t say I hate this country, because the land- this part of earth’s physical region did nothing wrong. It’s the people. The people who scrutinize others based on the color of their skin or what lies between their legs. It’s the people who demand anyone who is other than heterosexual or cisgender to be tossed away like they’re nothing. The people who tell others to go back to their home country but celebrate columbus day or the fourth of july. The oppressors. The people with so much self-hatred and self-entitlement who refuse to accept that we deserve just as much as they are given on a silver spoon because WE ARE PEOPLE and love is UNIVERSAL. Those are the people I can say I hate- and even so, the word ‘hate’ is such a strong word to use. I feel bad for using it, because it makes me no better than them.