Sorry this post is super super long and all over the place but feel like I need to talk about it with literally anyone since no one but my husband and the people I work with even know I'm pregnant (had to share because of the nature of my job)

A little back ground: I have PCOS and hypothyroid. This is my third pregnancy. I have one Daughter (about to be 5 this week) and I had a miscarriage in 2018 at about 8wks.

I started seeing a new Reproductive endocrinologist in February. Decided to start clomid. After two unsuccessful cycles we added gonal-f and a trigger shot. I found out I was pregnant on memorial day, and had it confirmed with my RE on 5/27. My HCG was 70. My levels were rising as they should until last week. 48-72 hrs between tests and numbers went from 70->250->1061->2300 but then last Friday only 3190. I should have been 5wks 1day (based on ovulation, release was checked with US so I know the dates for sure) Had an US and saw a sac but only measured 4wks, and was told to check again in a week. They also increased progesterone supplements and synthroid.

Thursday the US showed a yolk sac, and measured 5wks 3 days. They said it grew appropriately for a week but still measuring behind what I should be. She said that's okay but we should see a heart beat next week or there might be a problem .

Unfortunately they called later with my blood results and HCG was only 6000 something. my heart dropped after she said 6k since it should be so much higher so I don't remember the other numbers that followed. Not even fully doubled in 6days. I just sighed and said "well that's not great" All she said was "we'll check next week and see where we are."

She didn't say it's not viable yet but I know what this most likely means and believe there's very little chance this pregnancy continues very long. I keep reading about slow rising hcg and people's miracle babies but I think its just too many days for such a small increase.

With my previous mc I had none of the pregnancy symptoms. I made it to 6wks and started spotting but had an Us and saw a strong heart beat 150's and everything was as it should be. When it got worse a week later I went to the ER. my hcg hadn't risen much and the baby only grew to 6wk 3 days, heart rate dropped to 20. I miscarried a week later. This time just feels different I have all the symptoms I had when I was pregnant with my daughter, they aren't slowing down. I have no spotting no painful cramping just the stretching pulling feeling. (But that's probably the progesterone I'm on)

My attitude about all this flips back and forth. On one hand im deluding myself into thinking there's someway this works out regardless of facts and numbers . Other times I'm 100% sure it's over and am heartbroken. I also feel a little guilty because as of now anyway I am still pregnant and its like I'm giving up on the baby. I won't know till Thursday. I'm praying for some kind of miracle, but I need an end to this uncertainty either way.

If you made it this far thanks for listening. I just don't know where I am from minute to minute or how I should feel. I'm mostly just angry, this wait is torture. A million women go through it but it feels so isolating. If you're also stuck in this awful pregnancy/miscarriage limbo share here. It would be nice to know I'm not alone.