**a little long**

so i put myself in the position to become heartbroken. i fell in love with an ex on accident, i mean i guess people dont fall in love intentionally, but you know.

my first boyf i’ve ever had and i reconnected after years of us speaking. a year prior to this i got out of a serious long term relationship that was very difficult for me to move past.

i suppose good thing is im over the long term ex, but this one is... hard for me. he was soo free spirited, such kind energy, a huge natural motivation for me to get back on track with life, he challenged me in ways that infuriated me but caused me to grow in areas i needed growth in, positive in a non annoying way, i felt beautiful again-for no reason... i mean i was unapologetically myself without any judgement and i truly havent experienced that other than my bestfriend. i understand life isnt over, loves comes and goes etc, but it’s really hard for me now.

here’s why:: we, obviously were developing deep feelings for each other. he and his childs mom go back and forth with their relationship and obviously it wasnt a situation that would work. we came back to each other at the wrong time. so last week i deleted him from everything deleting all of my social media etc. i know people will have their opinions about things, but it doesnt make things hurt less. i just had to leave it alone before he did and... it’s hitting hard.

i have severe depression, abandonment issues, a slight drinking problem and im just trying to cope positively.

im just truly hurt. im sleeping most of the day, eating way more than i should and not carrying normally with my responsibilities. i feel soo weak for this. im trying to counteract all this with working out, drinking water and writing instead of reaching back out to him and keeping things going.

he really meant a lot, he pulled me out of such a bad place and i began to realize treatment that i took was wrong and i was more than that just by being his normal beautiful ass self.

i hate that i put myself in this position, just to lose an amazing friend over feelings. and i cant put them aside, once im in im in period. i dont know what to do with myself there’s not enough good or bad coping skills that is helping.

so i thought id vent and ask how did you all pull yourself out of a bad place, no matter the reason because im weak right now-emotionally and physically 😭