Postnatal depression

Can you have postnatal depression without feeling depressed?

My doctor diagnosed me over the phone of which was a short conversation and prescribed me antidepressants which I haven’t taken yet. My mood has been improving in the sense that I’m not crying all of the time and feel ok at points in the day. I’m still not “happy” and I’m still struggling to bond with my baby who is 2 weeks old. I get moments where I’m so overwhelmed and breakdown in tears but like I said it isn’t happening as much as it was. I don’t know what being depressed feels like, I’ve never had any mental health issues before but as soon as my baby was born I just felt so sad and low. Other people look at my baby with more love than I do and that makes me feel like shit I’m her mom I should be more in love with her than my relatives. I feel guilty that I’m more happy when she’s asleep and I don’t have to interact with her. I force myself to interact with her because I want her to bond with me and feel safe and secure with me, I don’t want to affect how she develops because I know how important these first weeks are.