Mom guilt rant🙃

I am struggling much right now with this pregnancy. I am 34 weeks and just want it to be over already😒 I have been miserable since the beginning, but trying to stay positive. Its just so hard when it feels like my body is failing me. Hypermobility in the joints is genetic and it has caused my entire pelvis to be entirely too loose causing severe pain in my SI joints as well as my pubic bone. This makes it very painful to walk or stand for any extended amount of time. After doing physical therapy for a while it was finally getting to where I could walk with minimal pain and then last week I noticed some spotting and made an appointment to make sure everything was fine. Well at 33 weeks I was already 2cm dilated, 50% effaced and contracting every 3-10 minutes. They immediately admitted me and did two rounds of steriod shots and started me on Procardia to slow/ stop the contractions. Now I have to take that every 6 hours until I'm 36 weeks and the medicine gives me side effects that basically make me unable to take care of my 18 month old.

I'm mainly struggling with wanting this baby to come already, because this whole ordeal has been so stressful. But I know my biggest desire should be for her to stay in longer so she will be as healthy as possible! I just feel like I've gone through this rough pregnancy already, then she tries to come early causing my to have to have painful shots and medicine with a ton of side effects and she is going to end up coming on time anyways.

Does it make me incredibly selfish to want her to just come early now? 🙃🤦‍♀️