We started TTC back in November last year. We found out I was pregnant February but sadly lost little bean at 4/5 weeks.

We tried a second time and we fell pregnant again at the end March/beginning of April. This time peanut was with us for a little bit longer (almost 6 weeks).

We didn’t give ourselves a break and tried again. We had yet another chemical/MC at the end of May/beginning of June.

This year has been so heart breaking for us. I can’t even begin to tell you how much I’ve cried. All my life I’ve suffered with irregular, painful, extremely heavy periods. Every time I went to the doctors, even at a younger age I was always fobbed off, given pain killers which ended up making me feel so unwell. A doctor finally got me in for an internal scan after I kept moaning to see if I had polycystic ovaries. They couldn’t find anything abnormal but the problem was still there (this is all before we started TTC).

After 3 losses I phoned the doctors, had bloods taken and one result came back low. She sent it off to a specialist to check and phoned me back a day later to tell me I’ll need to go to haematology. I’m still waiting on a letter in the post with the date I’ll be visiting hospital. I know with COVID things are abit slower but this wait is killing me.

Me and my fiancé finally decided to tell close friends and family what has been going on. After it honestly felt like the biggest weight had been lifted off our shoulders. Everyone was so supportive, couple of tears from both our mothers but it’s lovely knowing we have that support there.

I am of course so lucky that I’ve managed to get pregnant, I know some women don’t even get to that stage. I just can’t wait for us to finally see that first scan of our little rainbow baby🥺 that’ll be one emotional day!

I’ve gone through all the emotions. Feeling sad, then angry, then just absolutely nothing. So disconnected from myself and my body. I’ve been hating on my poor body so much for making me lose my sweet babies. It’s also had a big effect on my mental health which I suffer with anyway. Finally telling people really made me get back into a better place.

We’ve decided to give ourselves a break until we both feel better mentally and when we get some sort of answer. I’ve started taking natural supplements to prepare my body for when we’re ready again.

To anyone else who has been in my position or something similar. Don’t be hard on yourself/your body. It’s not your fault. There is many reasons why this happens, it’s so common. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. We will get our rainbow babies one day and it will be the best day of our lives!💗🌈