Was I wrong?

Question

Ok, I just read a post about a woman appreciating her husband so much cuz he works so hard and now I feel like an asshole. My husband works Mon-Fri 9-5 and then comes home and gets on his game. I’m a SAHM. We have a baby under 1 and a 6 year old. My mom lives with us so she helps me with A LOT. Last night my husband bought a lego set for our 6 year old and she we was so excited to build it with him. He maybe spends an hour with her for the week, if that. Last night, they were building the LEGO set and he had to run out for a little while for something relating to work. Not urgent but I get it. Ended up staying 2 hours and comes back and gets on his game as she’s sitting there with it all set up and waiting for him. While he was gone she kept saying he forgot about daddy/daughter time 💔 so he and I had an arrangement that I would purchase some items for him as a gift. And when I was trying to explain to him that she was really looking forward to a little time with him, he was being an ass putting his gaming headset on and being rude to her like just doing it himself and ignoring her. I was disappointed and pissed seeing her disappointed and hurt and dismissed. I went into our joint account and took out the money I had put there for his gift because I was upset he just didn’t care about both of our feelings. He called me this morning and I ended up putting it back (which I was gonna do anyways I was just pissed) but now I feel like a complete b*tch. Was I wrong for doing that? I just wanted him to feel the disappointment she felt and he wasn’t even listening. I told him while I was doing it since you’re being an asshole I’m going to be an asshole. But I feel like the biggest jerk guys. I tried doing the LEGO set with her but LO was super fussy. He’s the bread winner so I guess I should just be grateful for that. He doesn’t help with any of the housekeeping which is fine with me because he does work but I feel like my little daughter deserved better last night. I handled it complete wrong, right?
Btw during the phone call he was being very rude (probably justified cuz I shouldn’t have touched it after putting it there) but hung up on me when I tried to explain. I then sent him this text

Answer

I think this is more complex than you or him being right or wrong. 
That being said, my husband works an outdoor labor job 6 days a week and the one thing he wants to do when he gets home is interact with our son and do their bedtime routine THEN he will usually relax, play his game, watch tv, read a magazine etc. he also DOES help around the house with certain things as well, even though I typically don’t ask unless I really need the help. I say this to say not to sell yourself short as a SAHM. 
A child will never understand their SAHM being too drained or too busy to play, nor would they understand their working-outside-the-home Daddy not wanting to play and choosing a video game. They should have daddy + daughter time, and he should also get some alone time. Both are important for balancing self care and family relationships.

Answer

My SO was working two jobs and still made time for his family. It isn’t wrong to want time for himself but it needs to be a compromise. Maybe he can play his games on Saturday? Or two nights a week?

Answer

You handled it wrong ( with the money), but you're not wrong to be upset.  I'd sit down and have a serious chat with him. You're not asking too much for him to spend time with this family. That doesn't mean you don't appreciate him working (he should also appreciate the work you do at home) 
Right now I'm on a year of mat leave at home and hubs is working full time. He comes home has dinner with us, plays with our toddler while I put the baby down. We put the toddler to bed together. Then he goes on his video games. Then we usually watch a show before bed together. Days off he does a mix of time with us and a few hours of gaming. He also regularly thanks me for caring for the kiddos, making dinner and being an amazing mom. He works hard and deserves time to himself- and he gets that. But our children deserve this time too so he prioritizes them. 
You and your children deserve that too. I'm sorry you're not getting it

Answer

No you were not wrong, I’d be pissed he disappointed your daughter. Working and being the breadwinner is an excuse, regardless of this he should be spending time with her period. I work full time and the primary breadwinner, I still get time with my children because I want to. You need to talk with him about his priorities, games will always be there but your daughter is growing and one day she will grow up. Just explain to him in a non confrontational way she’s not little forever, enjoy the time now, life is short. Does he want to remember moments of his stupid video games or precious moments with his little girl. I would also tell him gaming is fine but at certain times like when she’s asleep. Or he can make a routine like when he comes hone from work, say hi to everyone, give daughter 20-30 mins of special time and then he can game his heart out. He can set special times with her even if only 20 mins. The whole money thing out of the bank is not even worth arguing.

Answer

No. We chose to have children and they come first. I understand leaving for work. But I would be pissed if he came home and decided to play games instead of spend time with our kid. You can play games after they go to bed. I am so glad my husband doesn’t play video games. Them taking priority over living, breathing, humans seems to be an issue over and over. It’s gross.

Answer

No you were not wrong!
He could have made the effort to play with his daughter
He was rude because he had an attitude towards you! Wasn’t meant for the LO but I guess this is men for us....
I do understand after work they need a bit of “me “ time and if by gaming he achieves that is better than going out drinking...
But as previous comments said this is more conplex than who was wronf or right.
Taking money out of an account doesn’t make it a revenge- except you bought yourself a purse ( i’ve done this before ) 😂
But my husband never has an issue with me soending money.
We both work- but he works longer hours
And I like you always feel for the kids that they want time with us so I end up sitting with them or “force” my husband to read them a story or smthg :)

Was I wrong?

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