I just feel weak. Unloved? Maybe? Low self esteem as another baby grows within me? Yes. Hearing your husband scream that he hates you as he chucks a pen at you... it’s not like the pen hurt, the words and actions that did. Did I ruin his life by choosing to keep our baby or choosing to tell him of her existence? Should I have just walked away like my original plan and never have told him? He’s stated that I’ve ruined his life and he wishes he never met me... should I make it that way? He’s such a good dad but clearly this is not what he wants. Clearly he didn’t want this second baby either. I feel so stupid for listening to his words instead of actions. I thought maybe I’d get the love I thought I deserve? Do I even deserve that? Is that even a real thing? Truly thought this was it. Found someone who’s my best friend, the love of my life, do not want to live without... but clearly he wishes we never met. This wild ride never happened. What do I do? I’m scared. The world is such a scary place and I thought I found my safe place. I’m 7 months pregnant and I feel any chick could walk past and he would jump ship for her. Is it me? Or is it his past actions that make me feel this way? You would think that if you hate confrontation, you wouldn’t do anything to cause it... but I just guess this girl is worth it. Must follow. Must see. Must like. Must be involved in her life. Clearly i am not enough. I should just make myself disappear. I will never be enough for a man that cannot stop lusting after other women. Just wish I was smarter before. Maybe I wouldn’t be so entirely crushed? Feel like I’ve been gutted... i lay here, feeling this little boy roll and kick... I truly thought he was made out of love and excitement. Was I stupid? Was I just swept away? I want this baby so bad but do I need to be prepared to be a single mom? For him to up and leave AGAIN? I once told him I was going to leave and I was selfish and it would be the worst mistake of my life... but when he left again.... I was just supposed to understand and wait for him to make up him mind if he wanted this family! Double standard? I never questioned if I wanted this family. NEVER. Things happened quick, out of order, crazy and spontaneously. I wouldn’t change it but knowing I’m someone’s biggest regret... man that kills my soul. How am I that bad? That unlovable? Am I really that person?