It’s time to tell my story

I can’t remember what day it was ,what time it was and what I was even doing there I can remember doing drugs for the first time ,I over did myself I felt like he was just feeding me then it’s like he has some kind of sick plan but he new I had a boyfriend he wouldn’t touch me ,he told me to go to sleep coz I’ll wake up sober I let my self drift of I can’t remember how long I was sleeping for and how long it had been going for but I woke up ,I woke up confused I woke up and I was in pain but coulee you feel a thing I couldn’t think I couldn’t think were I was what I was doing I looked up at the calling with a blank mind his long greasy hair was on top of my face it was hard to breath .he got off me when he realised I was conshios he told me where my underwear was and that he’d drop me home.he dropped me off 2 blocks away from my home the whole car ride was silent I felt confused and alone .i then started my journey home I wasent as high as I was but I wish I never slept why do I feel like this why can’t I conpreahend what happend .he was a friend . I felt sick every thing was tight I got home and went to the bathroom it’s like as soon as I walked though the door it had never happened I looked in my underwear and I saw blood I looked at the skirt I was wearing and thought of the way I was acting why that would off happend maybe I had asked for it ?maybe I asked for it without knowing .i looked at myself in the mirror never did it cross my mind that I had been raped I can remember looking at myself “you can’t tell anyone about this,it’s your fault look at what you were wearing look at the amount of drugs you were taking .and then it was gone it didn’t bother me but some how it did without me even noticing it .why do I look at all men differently why am I always scared why does my body feel different why do I feel dirty all the time ?I thought to myself shut up you slut you just cheated on your boyfriend .it got harder when my family found out I went months with this secret till my mum noticed something wasent right I felt like I was looked at as week and sad and depressed I was trying to convince everyone I was fine but as I said I was fine tears feel from my eyes my body was numb I had no words I was just confused agin .i found a lady to talk to about it she was Amazing almost like as if it happend to her she just new what I was feeling all the time .but then she left I went though so many different people trying to tell the same story agin but just knowing they have no idea

Weeks went by I felt myself coming together yet the people I trusted the most had gone and told people I hated leavening they house coz who knows who will treat me differently and who won’t belive me who hates me who’s out to get me .i found I nice guy that wanted to help me though it he picked me up and I asked him to bye me cigarettes he took me back to his place and he kissed me when he kissed me it was different I felt safe and I was calm then he started talking my pants off I said what are you doing I don’t want to go that far he looked at me and told my to relax and open my legs I said I can’t coz I DONT WANT TO DO THIS he did it anyway agin I felt useless powerless used and I felt like an object without anything else then I said I needed to be home he hugged me as if he had done a good thing I got home and I just broke down I can remember knowing at that point this is all so wrong why why is this happening what is it about me why am I such a target to theres boys ? I thought to myself for months even a year then I found my power I looked around at all the people that would drop anything to make sure I felt safe and loved i looked at myself and I saw a strong woman from all the times I had thought about jumping off that bridge I drove past or stealing dads medication it wasent an option for me anymore I’m not a victim I’m a survivor for the first time I felt strong and I’m just as strong as any girl now some situations are still hard but i can tell anyone that witnessed something similar it gets better over time you’ll learn to love yourself on your own you’ll learn to trust men and you’ll learn to grow again please talk to me if you have had something similar that’s the only thing I haven’t yet done was connect with someone again or help someone