Limbo

Just needed to vent. So late June my husband and I had a fun night and for the first time in 8 years after doing the pullout method he did not. Since then I have been maybe over hanging on every symptom my body had gone through wondering if this was a sign of pregnancy. Some of me wants another baby even though we have a 20, 13, & 7 year old (I started young) but the other part of me is done because I am going back to school and want to travel. My husband had the mindset of " if it happens it happens" but he has told me he is done. I am expecting AF tomorrow abd part me wants to cry if she comes.