Something is off

I’ve been with my husband for 13 years now. We literally met in high school and ended up pregnant after 2 months of “talking”. Anyway that’s besides the point, kinda, my problem is something is off. I feel disconnected from him lately. I bring it up and he’s like “well idk how to make you feel better you’re the only one who feels like that”.

Also, I should admit to something, 5 years ago we had an issue where I had an emotional affair with an old guy friend from high school. We never met in person it never got physical we just text too often and he was super emotionally supportive so I eventually did grow feelings for him. My husband found out and obviously it ended and my husband and I communicated and our marriage was great until now.

I feel like when that happened I gave him my power. I submitted to him to make him feel secure. I stopped having any type of social life or friends at all for that matter. We had another baby and I almost died in child birth. She was premature and he was there every step of the way.

I felt so lucky and blessed and HAPPY! But when I was healing postpartum and I tried to get my groove back by getting fit and taking care of myself his attitude changed. He stopped spending time with me and going back to video games. He is a lot more hostile with the kids and he says they’re frustrating and annoying and he’ll just be super mean and go into the bedroom to ply video games.

I’m a stay at home mom now and I’ve gained some weight and I don’t feel sexy, or in the mood often because I’m not happy with myself so I don’t initiate sex as often as I used to and he will literally be so MEAN to me and when I ask what his problem is he says “you know what you have to do to change that”

Meaning have sex with him.

Idk what’s happening but I don’t like this relationship dynamic.

Am I crazy? What should I do?