Prayers please!!!

I’m sitting in the ER with my beautiful 3 month old baby she is fine now, but I need prayers for her to be 100% and my for my self that I can calm down and try to forgive myself I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel or sleep now. I can’t stop the what if’s in my head. I hate myself soo much right now.

We had long day today and I was tired, I didn’t want to make dinner so I told my girls I’ll go get happy meals after I feed your sister. They were really excited. I breastfed my 3 month old and she was knocked out on my bed so I laid the blanket on her legs because it’s chilly tonight, it rained today. I didn’t move her to her bassinet. I got up I told my mom I’m gonna go get the kids happy meals for dinner ( my niece is over as well) I asked her what she wanted and told her I’m gonna leave the baby with you because she is asleep on my bed if that’s ok? She said ya let me close the door tho so the kids don’t go in there and wake her up or climb on the bed ( they are 3 and 2). I said ok thinking she would still at least peek on her. I ran up the street to McDonald’s it’s about 5 min away took maybe about 15 min to get the food and get back possibly 20 I got in the house and put the stuff down and before I fed the kids I went to check on the baby. I hard something weird and walked over and she rolled somehow into the blanket and it was on her face and she was crying barely. I pulled her out and my baby was purple and blue and barely breathing she was limp and her eyes were rolling back I kept calling her name and she wouldn’t respond to me I rushed to the sink and started putting cold water all over her and she still wouldn’t react or respond so I called 911 they say she looks good and they are just gonna keep an eye on her for a bit they said “there isn’t much they could do she needed air and I got her air so I did what I was supposed to” she seems ok she is sleeping but I can’t stop thinking what if I would’ve fed the kids first before checking on her what if the food took two seconds longer??? I can’t stop the what if’s. I almost lost my baby! I have 5 reasons to live and they are my whole world. I’m so careful and ocd about everything making sure the temperature is perfect, she is swaddled correctly, I didn’t ranch or anything while pregnant because I worried about everything. I don’t let her sleep in the car seat Because of car seat accidents I just I’m so paranoid about making sure my kids are always safe and than this! She is soo perfect and soo happy how could I let this happen to my baby. I’m scared to fall asleep I’m scared to take my eyes off of her I’m supposed to protect her and I almost failed. I will never be leaving her with anyone ever again. My beautiful baby Grace I’m so sorry my love that mommy let that happen. God was watching over her and I am beyond blessed that he allowed me to check on her just in time.

I made me and all my girls matching bracelets