Really kinda jealous


I see posts of mommy’s being jealous of us who have gotten to have our babies. But see then there is me (and others like me). I had my baby last week. But I have yet to get to take her home. When I lay in bed at night I have no kicks to let me know she’s ok. I don’t get woke up every 3 hours by her cries but by my alarm so I can pump milk for her. I get up every morning trying to figure out what outfit will allow for easy pumping while I’m at the hospital yet also be comfortable and warm enough for the times I’m in the nicu waiting room while her father visits her since it’s only one parent at a time thanks to Covid. Then get let down when we get report from the nurse telling us she didn’t finish one or more feeds so she had to have a tube feed which restarts the clock because she has to go two days with no tube feeds. Knowing full well that we could end up on day two and if she doesn’t finish the last feed of the day we would have to go back to day 1. I’m jealous of those still pregnant and I’m jealous of those who got their August babies in July and got to take them home. I’m heartbroken daily knowing there are at least two days, if not most likely more until she gets to go home. Two days I could handle but that’s not likely.

Sorry for the rant. Just really sad I don’t get to take my baby girl home anytime soon