I am my grandpas caretaker. I have been for years, he’s annoying sometimes but overall it’s been okay until the last year or so.

He has really bad COPD so he can’t really do much. He showers maybe once every two or three months, he recently went almost six months without a shower. I bought him bathing wet wipes, won’t use them. He has a hard time controlling his bowels and will poop himself,bought him adult diapers, refuses to use them. Not to mention last time he had an accident he threw his poo covered clothes in the laundry room and left them there. I noticed obviously from the smell and all he said was “I was going to deal with it later “...which means he was waiting for me to do it. He has a pee jug in the living room, which means he pees in the living room. If he HAD to make his own food, it would take him atleast 30 mins- an hour to make a sandwich. His oxygen machine frequently messes up or his tubing gets caught and he yells for me to fix it because he can’t breathe.

Just yesterday I went to the grocery store and he was yelling for me to turn his oxygen up because he was in the bathroom and couldn’t breathe, but I wasn’t home. My husband was there but what if we all had left? He needs someone with him constantly and at this point I don’t want to/ can’t take care of him anymore. My aunt (his daughter) is his power of attorney. I’ve told her many times that he needs to be in a nursing home. She refuses to put him in one because he is against it and he’s still mentally there. A few days ago I decided I would give an ultimatum. That I’m no longer caring for him, either he can go to a home, or I will move out.

I am a full time college student and I have a baby under one, and I am about to get divorced, I can’t take care of him anymore.

We are hanging out today and I was going to bring it up, but I just found out that her husband is sick. He’s on dialysis and has some sort of infection (they don’t know what yet) so I feel bad adding things to her plate.... would you bring it up or no?

UPDATE

So I talked to her about it. She said “well i dont know what to do about it, he’s not going to go to a home” and eventually said she would try to see about getting a hospice aid to come help him shower a few days a week. I asked her “what about when I’m not home? I start seated classes after this semester so I’ll be gone all day” and she didn’t really have anything to say to that...so I guess I’m just going to start working on moving out and she can deal with it🤷🏻‍♀️