I went to my 39 week appointment at 39+4 at 3 pm. I wasn’t dilated at all and so we scheduled an induction for today actually (8/3). I went home and was so happy to have that scheduled and thought I had so much time to get my stuff together. Ha. Well around 11:30 pm I woke up to my dog shaking the whole bed over the loudest thunderstorm I’ve ever witnessed. I got up and peed and got back in bed and was sitting up but kind of leaning over my belly to comfort the dog when a big thunder boom clapped, my baby kicked and then I felt a huge warm gush between my legs.

Fast forward to the hospital and they confirmed my water broke and I was 1 cm! Yay! I was given cytotec since I wasn’t yet contracting and 4 hours later I was still a 1 so they started me on pitocin.

And then it was all downhill from there.

I made it to 3 cm the next morning. Then they upped my pitocin. Every time after they upped it my babies heart rate would dip after every contraction. They came in and would move me positions to try to make baby happy. Nothing worked other than turning the pitocin back down. So they would and he’d be fine so they’d turn it back up. And it would happen again. And again. And again.

They started to talk c section which was the last thing I wanted. They kept saying as long as baby is good we will let you continue to labor. Finally at 7 pm still at 3 cm my husband and I agreed we should just go ahead and do the section. I sobbed and sobbed but after laboring for that long there was no way even if I dilated I felt I could push out a baby I had no energy I hadn’t eaten other than jello since 7 pm the night before. I also didn’t want it to turn into an emergency situation.

I was a wreck. The or was so cold my arms were shaking uncontrollably. My husband thank god could come with me and held my hand. But even with an epidural and I’m pretty sure they maxed it out I could feel everything. No pain but I could feel people’s hands inside of me. I remember just sobbing the whole time.

It only took about 15 minutes for my son to come out. Limp. Blue. Silent. A little oxygen fixed that and he was born at 7:58. I kept asking the nurse how much longer and are they almost done. She kept assuring me almost. She was lying but obviously she couldn’t tell me. I guess all the pitocin they pumped me full of made my uterus irritated and I couldn’t stop bleeding. So my whole surgery took about 2 hours.

I may sound like a baby but to go from never having a surgery other than my tonsils out at age 3 I wasn’t ready for a major abdominal surgery. I had always envisioned a vaginal birth and having at least two kids. Now I’m rethinking that and it breaks my heart. I know you can vbac but still.

Turns out babies cord was wrapped around his neck twice and so tight that with every contraction it was just squeezing him and thus the HR drop.

I know I did what was best and I’m so happy he’s healthy and my recovery is smooth thus far but I just feel like my body failed me in the one thing it was made to do.

Anyways here’s my baby boy I know this was long but I literally know NO ONE else who’s had a c section so I feel like no one understands my sadness.

7/29/2020 7:58 pm

6 lb 5.6 oz

20 inches long