Difference in sex drive: married couple
I want to hear from folks that are in a committed relationship with various sex drives.
My husband and I have been together for over 5 years. As most relationships, our first year was all honeymoon and having lots of sex. Then with time we kinda slowed down (a couple times a week), I figured it’s you know the excitement wearing down but I brought it up to him and he told me he was always stressed and was beginning to feel depressed.
I understand, I too have been dealing with depression and anxiety. Plus at that time, we were living pay check to paycheck—he was working 2 jobs at the time. We were still having sex and we were still good on everything else. I got myself a vibrator and he’s been going to therapy.
He got promoted and we moved states, I got a much better job and we are both in a good financial situation, we bought a house and are beginning to think of starting a family.
That was a year ago and our sex life has come down to 1 a week and only if I make the first move.
I brought it up again to him, his response is that he lets me make the first move so that We have sex when I want to vs him possibly making the move and me rejecting him. I told him that I’m always down for sex, that him not making a move makes me feel undesired. He listened and said he’d be better at making moves.
Now present time, I’m still the one making the moves. I talked to him again: we’re both in fulfilling career jobs, we’ve both been seeing a therapist separately and every other aspect of our relationship is great.
He said that I have a much higher drive than he does. I’ve asked him what his fantasies are so we can spice things up and he basically has none (which idk either they’re super wild and he thinks I’d judge him or something else is up).
I definitely want to respect his boundaries: if he has a lower sex drive and it’s no longer depression then okay, how have you meet your needs for intimacy? I dont understand when he says that he does want to have sex with me and is down when I make a move but he just won’t make a move?
We’re both active and in our early 30s if that helps. And I don’t suspect any cheating. He’s always home soon after work and we spend our weekends together—especially since COVID-19.
*Edit* thank you all for your perspectives! It’s nice to know I’m not alone here.