I'm losing him

Anyone els feel like intimacy is important to have in a relationship? Or a marriage? Probably 100% of females on earth do

Yall I just need to vent for 5 seconds

Things have dramatically changed for us

Were married 4 years this month and we just don't have sex anymore. Once a month now. I dont get kissed anymore like I used to, no sensual touching, even just a long warm hug. He doesn't really even look at me. He's changed the way he talks. His music has changed to something polar opposite of what he usually likes. He says he's just too tired for any of that anymore. But so am I. I run two businesses and still make sure dinner is served. Laundry is done. House is clean. And I cuddle him to sleep. Im fucken so over this shit. Im always anitiating sex, kisses, hugs, and most of the time I get turned down.

If yall have gone through something like this please help me because I'm about done. My mind is going to places I never thought I'd go with him. I always find underwear in the laundry that are crunched up in a ball and stuck together. Which pisses me off because either hes cheating or jerking off and I dont get any of that anymore. Makes me feel like he doesn't want me anymore 😕 I have NO problem with masturbation or porn or any of that shit. But like what the fuck. Im jealous of his fucken hand. It gets more action than I do. Even tho I'm always zombie tired I still try to get a moment of intimacy with him because I feel like i just need him. He used to need me and want me too.

This morning before work I felt a little hot so I took all my pj's off and waited to see if he'd even just look at me. I swear to God he grabbed his stuff and bolted out the door in a hurry and didn't even look at me. Im just crushed. I dont know how much more of this I can take. Im a strong motivated girl and usually very confident but this is crushing me. I do touch him and grab him and he just takes my hand and moves it away. A little bit ago he told me vaginas are really weird looking. So that made me wonder a whole lot of things like if he's gay or what not? We had a conversation about that too and he just said it came out wrong and he didn't mean it like that bla bla. Which also made me a little self cautious too....

I dont want to be roommates with my spouse. I want to have a loving marriage. Ive tried everything under the moon and sun to help spice things up, motivate us to go out more, motivate him to spend more quality time with me etc but nothing works. Sadly I feel like the easiest thing for me to do would be to just start moving on emotionally. I feel so completely alone and lonely 😞