Lost My Son at 20 Weeks Due to IC

Hi ladies,

At my anatomy scan they discovered my cervix was funneled and I was already dilated to 1cm. I was scheduled for a rescue cerclage but my water broke the night before surgery and I gave birth 3 days later at exactly 20 weeks to my beautiful and perfect baby boy. I am still struggling with his loss and feeling like my body failed us both. It hurts to know he was perfect and normal and if it hadn’t been for my IC (incompetent cervix), he would still be baking in my belly. It’s so unfair he paid the ultimate price. It makes me feel sick to my stomach and I awake each day trapped in this nightmare.

All I can think about is trying again. (And I have extreme guilt for wanting to try - My son can never be replaced). But I have this desperate need to hold a living, healthy baby in my arms. We got pregnant through IUI and I am so terrified we won’t have such good fortune (we got pregnant the 1st round). My doctor said I can try again in 3 months.

Anyone else in the same boat/willing to share their story or success story? I just feel alone.