I fucked up and I need honest advice
I'll try to make this as short as possible. Husband and I separated, I did not have intentions of reconciling. I began a long distance relationship after the separation. I met my LDR, we spent 5 days together it was great. Afterwards things got complicated and we broke up. I was devastated because I truly was falling in love with him and we had been in the relationship for about a year. After the breakup my husband reached out to me about some things I had left behind. I was obviously in a pretty rough emotional state at that point and took solace in communicating with him. I know this was a big mistake and my vulnerability got the best of me. He basically moved himself into my apartment. My ldr has reached out to me to try to make amends and fix our relationship. So I'm stuck basically. I love them both obviously. I don't want to hurt anyone but I know someone will be hurt in the end. Please don't be brutal, I know I messed up. I have no one to talk to and I feel so lost.
Any responses from me will be done in edits to protect my identity as I have people on here that know of me.
I will say..during this virus stuff my mental health has been declining. I can see that because when I'm depressed I tend to not clean as often etc. Since my husband has been back around its worse. My apartment is a total mess. He will walk right past cat puke in the floor and leave it for days, I have to beg for help with the dishes, etc. I know he's a good person and has a big heart, honestly a good partner emotionally, but some of the feelings I had when I left are starting to come back. My ldr is older than me (12 year age gap), more mature in a sense. He made dinner for me almost every night and wouldn't let me help with the dishes. I feel like they're polar opposites. My family isn't supportive of me no matter what I do really. They tend to switch up their feelings a lot.
I understand that my visit with my ldr couldnt sum him up as a person in 5 days. Thanks though. The point was that their ethics and views in the home are different. My husband is used to his mom doing everything and I was a surrogate for that in our marriage. My ldr was more like myself, had to become independent as a young age and does things on his own. I've had this talk with my husband more times than I can count before I left and recently. I'm not into gender roles or assignments, I simply want a PARTNER. Partners do things together, not put the load all on one person.